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Thursday, 6 March 2008

The Science of Jinxes

I'm sorry for not updating.  I've been busy and have been putting off doing this everyday of the week.  No seriously, it's been procrastination after procrastination.  Just be glad that you got a post this week.


Before we start, I think it should be noted that the Jinx I'm talking about is not the superstitious folklore-y type Jinx where it basically means:

  • A sort of curse placed on a person that makes them prey to large numbers of minor misfortunes and other forms of bad luck;
  • A person afflicted with a similar curse, who, while not directly subject to a series of misfortunes, seems to attract them to anyone in his general area.
  • An object or animal that brings bad luck.
  • A common slang term used when two people say the same thing at the same time (said as a game amongst the young and young hearted which suggests some kind of spooky supernatural interference).

No.  I'm talking about these sort of Jinxes.

Why the hell am I talking about Jinxes?  It's a funny story really, and it all began in maths today (surprise surprise).  For the story to make some sense we've got to rewind a bit to the part before the whole jinxing occurred.

*Fails at attempt of doing a rewinding sequence*

I believe the lesson started with talk about the bible.  I'm not sure how or when it started but it just did.  Emma, being a Christian, was defending the bible... from something...  I can't remember that either.  Hey, don't expect me to remember everything.  It's not particularly important to the story anyway.  I recall her saying that the bible was right, and I was kind enough to point out that the bible states that not only are women evil but also that the chicken came before the egg.  The age-old riddle solved, perhaps?  No.  First of all there's a small problem with the bible, men wrote it.  So, the chances that all the stuff that happens in the bible is true amounts to about 1%.  Especially all that Genesis stuff, since you know, we weren't created then.  But anyway, I'm not here to divulge into the whole religion controversy.  I have a religion and I'll stick to that just fine:  Consumerism.

You may be wondering what the bloody hell is the above paragraph got to do with the story I'm about to tell.  Well, not really much.  I just thought you'd like to know that.  It serves a (slightly) deeper purpose too.  It's my set-up for a sucker-punch later on.  You'll see.

Anyway, the jinxing started when Sue (the teacher) asked us what to use in this formula - which I will not attempt to type out now.  I'm no fool.  Suhaib, Kiddle and Emma all said: "PRODUCT RULE!" at the same time.  I should note that these were the other 3 people on my table, and I didn't say anything because I wasn't particularly listening and I cba.  Suhaib then said: "JINX!"  This being a long time since I had done/seen something like this I thought the other two would dismiss it as a child's game.  Oddly enough, Kiddle doesn't.  He clamps his trap shut (a rarity, believe me) and does a zipping motion across his lips.  For the next half an hour or so, he doesn't speak at all.  It was only 10 minutes in that he pointed out -by writing on his pad of paper- that Emma was also jinxed but had been and still is carrying on talking as normal.  After a short discussion, Kiddle put this on his paper: "GOD WILL PUNISH YOU!" (ZING!) or something like that - which is the aforementioned sucker punch by the way.  Which amassed much laughs, I assure you.  The following few minutes consisted of how Emma was going to hell/purgatory or whatever.  Which was hilarious, since everytime Kiddle wanted to make a comeback in the argument he'd have to write down on the paper; and I walked in and enforced the 6-second rule (where you can't comeback after 6 seconds).  This made things even funnier, as Kiddle spent more time furiously scribbling on his pad at what can only be compared to "warp speed" than actually doing work.  Eventually he did give up on the argument though.

The next 20 minutes or so consisted of us torturing Kiddle.  I liked going with the: "Hey Kiddle.  What'd you get for this question?"  No reply, obviously.  I would then follow that up with:  "Wait, what?  I didn't hear you.  Can you speak louder?"

Yes, cruel.  I know.

But not as bad as what others tortured him with, like they would say half his name then stop.  Just stopping and starting at his name repeatedly.   It was like giving a blind man sight and then round-house kicking a large horse-driven war-cart filled to the brim of large, pointy maces coated with poison ivy into his eyes.  REPEATEDLY.  Yes, ouch.

He was actually freed from his demonic curse by, ironically, Emma.  Who pitied him and felt that it was time he got to speak again.  And because she did it accidentally.  To be honest, it'd had been so long since I heard Kiddle speak that I started to forget what his voice sounded like.  He broke out of his jinxed cage with a holler.  But that's not the end of the story.

Oh, no.

After about 5 minutes of Kiddle's release from his horrible and torturous affliction Sue (the teacher, remember?) told him to: "STFU!" in a more well-mannered way.  But that was what she wanted to say really.  Kiddle then goes on a rant to her about how she didn't notice that he had been jinxed for about half an hour before, even though she had come up to him and tried to speak to him but now that he can talk again he gets shouted out.

Life.  Ironic, isn't it?


In other news -I use this term too much- our media project is finally picking up some steam.  It's pretty much done now, which is good.  Seeing as the final deadline is tomorrow.  *gulp*  Maybe if we spent less time messing about then it would be done by now.  XD

I'll be sure to post it up here when I can.  If I can, I'll give you a bloopers reel too.  There are some piss-your-pants funny stuff in there.  Especially the, now-infamous, car door scene.  I'll see what I can do. ;)


Also, it's Poker Night tomorrow.  6 till 10.

This time I can actually go.  So be sure to check in on Saturday (I probably couldn't be asked to do a post on Friday) for the hellish antics of that night.  I heard the previous Poker Night went quite well, so hopefully this one doesn't disappoint.

In some less fortunate news, I won't be able to make Matthew's party.  :(

He just so happens to have it on Saturday, 5pm.  Which is the exact time I can't go.  F*ck.  If it was earlier, I could have gone for an hour or so, but damn.  Oh well, I'm sure there will be many more parties in my lifetime...  I'll just have to keep looking on the more optimistic side of life.

That about wraps up today posts.  Wish me look with my module results tomorrow!

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