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Saturday, 10 November 2007

A boy and his toy

Apologies to anyone thinking this is a dirty and revealing post about a "friend."  It's seriously not what you think... unless you think-like/are a mathematician.


Sorry about the late post, I was going to post yesterday but... you know... sh*t happens.  I'm not sure what kind of sh*t I'm on about but it sounds pretty troublesome...  Anyway, nuff jabbering.


Ok, let's move on to what the title is about.

I'll set the scene:  It's Maths, last thing on a Thursday; we had already had a maths lesson earlier that day (such is the woe of me).  We're studying S1 (Statistics 1).  This is how things went down:

Since we're all like uber-clever AS Further Maths students, we get to use the 'Statistical function' on our calculators.  I'm sure many of you who own calculators will have heard/seen about this feature on the calculator but never really used it before.  Well, that was true for me too.  And it still is.  But nevermind that now.

Richard (who sits on the same table as me) tried out this so-called Stat function and to his surprise his calculator not only did everything he needed with relative ease and comfort but it did it in style.


Ok, maybe not exactly 'style' but not many of the other calculators had a such easy to use interface.  Mine included, as when I put mine in 'SD' mode (which was what my stat function was called... yea, no idea either) it LOOKED/WORKED NO DIFFERENTLY.  It still did all the same things and as far as I knew, nothing had changed.  So, screw it.

But Richard's calculator was giving him the easy way through the work.  And he seemed to really shove it down our throats about it (seeing as we did the same thing in the previous maths lesson when his "American calculator" did not contain a factorial function).  He also made it very clear to everyone (by repeating it over and over and over and over again that he received the calculator free.  Yes, FREE.  AT A SCIENCE FAIR.


I believe his exact words were along the line of this:

'Yea, I won this calculator at a science fair.  Some people received holidays to exotic, far-away places.  Others won computers and gizmos.  But me, oh I totally got the long end of the stick.  I won a CALCULATOR... woot woot.'

Sounded like a pretty awesome science fair.  But wait!  The story gets better.  As this was just the start of the lesson.  He continued to announce how awesome his calculator was and just messed around with it when he was suppose to be listening.  And then when he found out something or other he would make this weird sound that was like a 'half-laugh' that would make everyone look at him like he was some random crazy person that decided to sit in a maths class messing with the calculators.

He became so obsessed that Emma named the calculator for him.  Probably a reference to the Top Gear African Special episode where Hammond has a close relationship with his car:  'Oliver' and it did produce some very hilarious circumstances.  In this case, the calculator was dubbed: 'Trevor.'  I disagreed with the name since it actually said on the thing: Texas... something or other.  But the main point is, it said Texas.  So obviously you needed a Texan name.  But it was too late, the calculator had already been named.  Damn.

He soon started making sounds that I would put in the same category as: 'Orgasm sounds' as they actually sounded pretty close.  It was essentially some 'oohs' and 'ahhs' and some heavy breathing thrown into the mix.

I also recall, a conversation between me and him that went like this:

Me (being sarcastic): So we all know what you're going to do when you get home.

Richard (semi-sarcasm?  Not sure.):  Yea, going go home jump on the couch and watch TV with Trevor.  *laughs*

Me:  *laughs*  I can picture it now.  "Hey Trevor, change the channel."  ... "Fine, ignore me."

Richard: *laughs louder* ... yea...

<Awkward pause>

Me:  ...

Richard:  ...

Me:  ... You're not really doing that are you?

Richard:  Of course not.

Me:  Good.  Or else I would've had to impale you with a really sharp shark.

Richard:  *Was about to ask about the "sharp shark" comment... then decides it's for the better to just forget it*


I'm not so sure what that proves, but trust me: It was a helluva lot more funny when it actually happened, one of those 'You had to be there to understand the hilarity of the situation things.'


A few days ago (or was it yesterday...?  I forget), the east coast of Britain had a little trouble with a few called: 'Tidal Surge.'

Coincidently, I live on the East coast of Britain.  F*ck.  Yea, that was my immediate thought.  As I'm sure many others would think the same.  But upon closer inspection, our house was gonna be fine.  Thank goodness.

For a visual representation of this 'Tidal Surge' thing, I refer you to this picture:

Yes, you are seeing what you think you are seeing.  Normally, the water doesn't even come over that small wall.  Although this is in Norfolk, which isn't anywhere near where I live.  But this was one of the stories in the local Telegraph about said flooding incident, which is conveniently on the website too:  Article here.

I didn't read through the whole article properly (the first sentence, to be precise) but it sounds pretty bad from the title.  Luckily for us, we were far away from the sea and upon a hill that it's very unlikely we'll even get close to flooding.  Yay!  Obviously, my heart goes out to those who homes were flooded.

By the way, this is like twice this year that something like this has happened.  Some more flooding happened in July too (I think).

It looks like weather is heading in a downhill gradient, rapidly approaching 'Oh sh*t!' level.  And British weather was bad to begin with.


My family members started watching baby videos.  Oh dear god, help me. 

"I'm not normally a praying man but... Superman, if you're up there please save me."

As anyone who has parents know, they pretty much film you non-stop, 24-7 when you was young (unless they didn't have a camcorder).  And usually, these videos are watched once... meh, maybe twice.  And are then thrown to the very back of cupboards, never to see the light of day ever again...

Ever again, as in:  Until someone finds them.

And if you were the one being filmed it always leads to awkward situations where you've got to watch yourself acting like a ridiculous idiot on TV.  Oh great, yippee.

Watching some parts of the videos did remind me of my innocent days (yes, I too had days of innocence... hey, DON'T JUDGE ME).

The time where life was easy, and school-work consisted of playing in the sand and painting your hands/face.  I had never heard of the Internet (I was 5) and the only interaction I had with computers included playing Civ and Age of Empires and the like.  We also had a NES, Sega Mega Drive and SNES.  All of which, except the NES, have been broken by me.  Let's just keep it as: One was smoking and was thrown into a bucket full of water by my dad, the other just flat-out rejected any cartridge placed into it and ended up out the window...  But that's a story for another time.

Life was sweet back then.  Makes me want to go back.  Back to the time when I had no exams, no work to do at home and my definition of work consisted of building stuff out of Lego.

memory1 The thing is though, I don't remember too much about my life before 12~ish.  I can remember certain events that have stuck in my mind, but everything else is fuzzy.  Like I'm not on the right channel for the reception or something; or someone decided to go through most of my memories and Gaussian Blur it to an extent where I know (somewhat) roughly where I was, and the heck I was doing.  But not much more.

My earliest memory... hell, I don't think I have one.  Sure I can think of some memories, but I'm not sure which ones came first or if they ever happened at all and where only figments of my (slightly broken) imagination.  Does this only happen to me?  Anyone else out there who can't remember much about there early years upon this little blue planet?

Anyway, I've rambled on enough about my bloody life.  I'm sorry, I digress.  And if you've managed to just sit there reading that, without any other form of social interaction or entertainment... I really got to hand it to ya.  Sure, you may have wasted 5/10 minutes of your life which, let me remind you, you will NEVER EVER get back.  But, hey.  At least you had fun?  Right?

... Right?


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