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Monday, 3 September 2007

Pee-Stained Trousers & Excretement Puddles

Before I get into what the title is about.  I'll set up the scene.

I was woken up at about 9 this morning.  Which meant I woke up about 9:45.  So anyway, I was woken up so we could go play badminton.

In Lincoln.  That meant a 1 hour journey.  Damn.

We got there and played.  All was good.  Except for one teeny tiny crucial factor.

My uncle brought all 3 of his kids.  That spells bad news.  We only just kept them under-control for the majority of the session.  It was not until their mother had to go somewhere that all hell broke loose.

The oldest one got scared; or something crappy like that; and peed herself.  It was all over the floor.

Ok, that was an exaggeration.  There was a reasonably sized puddle.  Right, so that's all right since there's a huge sports hall there... right?

Wrong.  At that current time the second oldest of the terrible trio just happened to be near there.  At that moment I found out her fascination at all things liquidy.  Yeouch.

She dipper her hand in.

The splash splash noise resonated throughout the whole hall.  Good thing there were no other people there.

We made a quick get away.


Afterwards we went to my grandmas and stayed there for quite some time.  Playing with the young'uns and eating.  Obviously the eldest one changed her trousers.

Lemme tell you this - and people with babies will agree with me - babies are hard to babysit.  Especially when you have 3 of them.  I was worn out by 6 and fell asleep on the couch.  Only to be woken up at 7 so we could go to KFC.

KFC was really my only saving grace today.  And it was awesome.  Our family has quite a few hungry eaters but today I surpassed all.  I ate:

  • 5 pieces of Chicken
  • 2 Hot Wings
  • 2 Corn on the Cob
  • 2 Large cups of Tango
  • 1 Side dish of Baked Beans

Nice, right?

Since not much else happened to me today that is of meager interest.  I'm not going to elaborate.

I'll move straight onto the story.

No chit-chat.


He came again at me with terrifying speed.  My head started to spin.  It took all my concentration just to keep myself from falling unconscious.  I could still block most of his attacks but many slipped through the numerous openings that had appeared.

I was had cuts all across my body.  None of them were especially fatal and I don't think it sped up the poisoning process.

He stopped momentarily.  As if to taunt me.  'Very good.  Many would have fallen unconscious by now.  And those that do end up in my digestive track... DIGESTIED ALIVE!'

'Dude, that is the most evilest thing I have ever heard.'  I tried to put on a brave face, but I think I failed miserably.  'I guess I'll finish this in one attack.'

I entered a santoryu stance.

He looked a little concerned but not very.  'Ha!  Gimme your best shot!  With my poison in your body, excessive movements are impossible!  Even to the most durable of Strogl!'

I paid no heed to his continuous taunts.  He carried on but I fazed out his voice.  The sounds of the other two battles were also fazed out.  My mind grew clear, as if entering a state of Nirvana.


Nothing made a sound.  What might have been a few minutes in real time felt like a few hours inside my head.

I opened my eyes in an instant.  All the sounds came flooding back into my head.

'DRAGON STANCE SLICE'  I yelled out.  And you could see the blast of energy called forth.  It traveled at an ear-splitting speed, emitting a high-pitched crackle as it flew.  It was traveling too fast for Yoravo to dodge.  He screamed in agony.  And when the energy hit him he froze.  Completely.


Neither of us moved.  I now glanced quickly at the other ensuing battles and it seems Gavin & Gimely seem to holding there own.  It would make a perfect scene if a tumbleweed rolled by.

He started moving again.  'Heh.  Nothing happened.  I told you so!'

Maybe he was right.  The poison in my body... I'm going to die.


'WTF?' I asked.

Yoravo's face turned into one of sheer horror.  His face distorted to the point beyond ugliness, way beyond.

Now I saw.  A small line around his neck.  A cut, in fact.  And blood spurting out of it, making the weird noise.  But, it was getting bigger.

And in one mighty go, like something had been forcing it back before but has given way, the cut grew all the way.  His head rolled off.  His face still in pain and shock.

The body still stood up as if it was going to stay that way due to the condition that happens after death.  Which effectively makes the whole body stiff.  You know what it's called.

But it did fall.  And I crawled over to the lifeless body to claim my prize.


Hooray!  I won.  You pretty much guessed that though.

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