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Sunday, 19 August 2007

Not what I was expecting...

As you may know, today I had my first BBQ of the Summer. I had high expectations, and I was riding upon high spirits when we were heading out. But it seems, I was thoroughly deceived... Let me explain.

We got there and the weather was ok. Not good, not bad. The weather was comparable to a plain cake; it's fine on it's own, but if you add icing, sprinkles and a whole bunch of extras it becomes an awesome cake. That awesome cake would be sunshine in my odd metaphor. Anyway, we entered a building... and I remember asking myself: Hm... doesn't look very BBQ-friendly to me... I was right. We were woken up at 7 (yes, 7) to help get the stuff ready for the BBQ. Damn. After about 1 hour I found myself carrying stuff to the cars. It was windy outside, and about 10 degrees Celsius and I was sweating. That's how hard they worked me (in a none sexually way, before you say anything). There were a bunch of other stuff to do, but here was the real kicker...

They were only BBQing VEGETABLES, there was NO MEAT. Oh, the humanity. If it wasn't for my persistent strong-will I probably would have fainted. Seeing as I was there, they put me to good use. I was assigned carrying duties - as I was the only able-bodied male there. I spent 3 hours skewering stuff (stuff, not people); carrying large boxes of coke cans (filled to the brim! And I had to take them downstairs). But that agonizing wait was eventually over. Not before some people got some parking tickets. My mum got one too. The funny thing was when I got there to get a new parking ticket thing, I saw the fine there on the windscreen. Picked it up and looked at the time of issue: '10:54' it read. Then I looked at the ticket stuck to the windscreen, it said: '11:02.' Now, I may not be the brightest spark in the world but 10:54 tends to be before 11:02, but I may be wrong.


Of course I'm not! 11:02 always (ALWAYS) comes after 10:54. I don't know if the dude was an idiot or just plain-blind, but seriously that was totally uncalled for. I also happened to look at the clock on the parking meter thing and it said 11:00 exactly when I reached there! There was still 2 minutes left on the ticket! Man, was I flustered.

Ok, enough of that.

We then loaded up several cars (I think it was like 4 or 5) and were on our way. To this park in Hull. Anyway, I also found out it was a festival not a BBQ, although the stall had a BBQ. Called something like the 'Annual Grassroots Festival' and they were right, there was lots of grass. I couldn't see much roots though.

Using my 1337 HAXXOR skills I managed to locate some information about it: here.

Ok, anyway. Then I was assigned to a stall away from the BBQ. And business was slow, very slow. I spent a lot of time just messing around and doing origami and stuff (and yes, I did make several paper shruikens). Heck, one time I was chasing a kid around a tepee. And boy, I'm never doing that again. Oh yea, we also had our own tepee. Pretty sweet, right? I considered bringing my DS but it was pretty hectic and stuff, and I couldn't risk losing it.

Halfway in between doing nothing and... er... oh yea, doing nothing. I got asked to play the cymbals for the Chinese dragon dance thing. You know what I mean, you've all have bound to have seen it. Or like me, heard it.

Here's a video of what I'm talking about:

Do you hear the cymbals? That's what I was doing. Except... probably way crapper. Why? Because it was my first time. And the only tuition I ever got was this:

Dude who plays big-ass drum: Ok, this is what you got to do... just follow my lead.

Me: Wait. What?

*Dude starts playing regardless*

Me: *practically screaming* Hey! Hey! Can you hear me? I have no idea what to do with these!

Dude: Just hit them together!

Me: Ok... makes sense.

And I hit them together with all my might. Only to be defeaned in the process. If you ever get the chance to do it... don't do it next to your ear. That's a warning. My ears are still ringing, about 8 hours later. And I was stuck doing that for about 20 minutes. It really tires out your arms. Then I was sent back to the stall.

Anyway, eventually I got bored of doing nothing and checked up on the BBQ stall. They were doing much better in terms of business. Being a man without a hygiene certificate, I hopped right in and started flipping stuff. Unfortunately, still no meat. After that, I practically owned the whole BBQ.

I hereby dub myself 'King of the BBQ.' Lmao, I bet that's been done before.

Eventually we left, leaving people to carry on maintaining the stall - I have no idea how'd they cope without me - and pack up the stuff. Slyness FTW. We went home, totally exhausted and I mean that. I got into the car and about 5 minutes later I found out that I hadn't been to the toilet all day. And I paid the price for it. I was holding it in the whole car ride home. It was excruciatingly painful. But I fell asleep anyway. And I woke up (not feeling warm down there, FYI) just minutes before we got home. I have a knack of doing that - it's like I have a (kind of useless) sixth sense. No matter how sleepy or tired I am, if I fall asleep in the car I always wake up minutes before we reach our destination. Weird.

But when the car stopped, I was the first to jump out the car and run to the toilet. I didn't time it but I swear to god that the pee lasted for about 2/3 minutes. Non-stop. It looked kind of concentrated too... lol, bad images will invade your head soon.

That's about it for the mockery of a BBQ of today. Hopefully Daisy's BBQ will turn out better. Although I'm not keeping my spirits high because of want I learned today... but it should be fine. Her older sisters like a maths brainbox... I have no idea what that has to do with anything about BBQing. Maybe she can calculate the exact time a certain slap of 10x10cm slab of beef needs to become succulent and be the right time to flip it our something.

I also received word from Daisy's very own mouth, that her mother wants to meet me...


That's like the 2nd time I have ever used that emoticon in my life and probably my last*. Your probably pulling that face right now too. This is the chatscript (of the top of my head, as the actual chatscript it non-existent):

Daisy: My mother wants to meet you

Me: Ok... that was a bit random. What you been telling her about me?

Daisy: Not much. Just how your clever and stuff.

Me: lol *nervous laughter*

*My first time using that emoticon was in a convo with Gavin... can't remember what for.

So, fingers crossed anyway for 'awesome cake with icing, sprinkled and stuff on top' weather on the 23rd. Pray, goddamit, pray.

You may be looking for the next installment of the story. You will not find it today.


Because after today's excruciating trauma, I feel that I have the right to postpone this until tomorrow. And also leave Gavin to do it. :)


Besides, 'Dude, where's my car?' is on in a min.

That's me, signing off. Or whatever you young'uns say today.

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