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Saturday, 21 July 2007

Holiday! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ~ Predictions

Well, according to some people the official Summer Holidays is upon us. Children out of school. People taking vacation days off. And so much more.

There's only one thing that's making this holiday suck.

That's right: flooding. In the UK.

We've actually been fine, and little to no flooding has happened here. It's something about our house being built near a hill or on a slope of a hill or something. But basically, we get no floods.

Which is good.

NOTE: Just for those people who think it's a good idea out there. Don't do what that woman is doing unless you are experienced in that kinda stuff - which is highly unlikely by my reckoning. Because:

A) You might get washed away by the current and into the sea. Only to die of starvation and thirst a few weeks later. They will only find your corpse.

B) The water doesn't look so deep. Seriously, if you have a look at the picture it's about... what? 1 foot deep. Seriously now! A 3 year old child blind-folded could wade through that with ease (exaggeration). I swear her hands are touching the ground.

C) Last but definitely not least. Oh, come on! Use something better than an ironing board!

That's my gist of the flooding.


Got your new Harry Potter book yet people?

I know I...

haven't.

Getting the book is fine and dandy. But queuing up 3 (yes, three) days before is like social suicide. 1 wouldn't be as bad. But 3! Boy, some people have waaayyy too much time. I understand the anticipation and eagerness of reading it - although they'd probably buy the book, go home and fall asleep while reading it - but it probably won't be out of stock when you go in the morning.

Additionally, we all know how it's going to end.

Either:

  • Harry, Ron and Hermione get to Voldermort. V kills Ron and Hermione. Harry goes all out aggro and unleashes the power of the scar! Voldermort dies because of Harry's scar-iness.
  • Harry has a massive duke-out with Voldermort. Only to find after he wins this last line of the book: 'Then Harry woke up... and it was all a dream...'
  • Harry and Voldermort find they have a lot in common, they join forces to take over the magical world. Then space.
  • Harry and Voldermort find out they have a lot in common. They end up somewhere in a gypsy camp smoking pot together. Oh, and they're also married.
  • Harry and Voldermort meet. Fight. Harry starts losing. Then Harry sees his parents and against all odds - and scientific reasoning - wins. Somehow. Probably in a scene like this:
    • Harry: I HAVE THE POWER! BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!
    • V: Oh sh~ *DEAD*
    • Harry: wOOt! You totally got pwn3d!
    • Ron: *Leaps over to Harry and hugs him* My Hero!
    • And they all live happily ever after... Except Voldermort... obviously. He's dead. Duh.
  • Harry goes through 50 deatheaters, to reach Voldermort. Then when he is about to reach the room he is in... he tries the doorknob. And Voldermort's voice bellows out from a speaker: 'Sorry. I'm out shopping right now! H&M are having a sale! I'll be back after lunch.' Harry goes home flustered... then joins in the sale.
  • Voldermort is actually a woman. Harry marries her (Voldermort). Ron & Hermione also get together - unsurprisingly. Then time-skip a few years. Voldermort cheats on Harry for Dumbledore. Harry commits suicide. Dumbledore and Voldermort dance on his grave. Only person sorry for him is Hagrid.
  • Turns out Hagrid is Voldermort! DUN~DUN~DUUUUNNN! Who'd a thought it? Well, except me. Hagrid has been tricking everyone in thinking he's a nice, old, animal-loving person. But in reality, he kicks every cat (or dog) he sees.
  • Turns out Dumbledore is Voldermort! DUN~DUN~DUUUNN! Unlikely, but could be possible. Turns out he's schizophrenic - so one side wants to take over the world. The other tries to stop himself. Blows himself up. Harry watches on the sidelines. Laughing.
  • Harry is about to confront Voldermort, when... he thinks: 'Fu*k this. Why do I have to be the one to save the world from the all-powerful evil wizard who turns out can turn me into a muffin at will, and I have to do all this alone. Screw this. I'm going home and playing on my Wii (Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix - obviously).' He does. Voldermort takes over the world. Then.
    • Voldermort takes away all happiness (that includes Harry's Wii). Harry goes aggro kills Voldermort.
    • Harry doesn't give a sh*t.
    • Voldermort has a heart attack. Everything is restored back to normal.
  • Harry uses a magic spell to turn into a (strangely) attractive woman. Seduces Voldermort and kills him while they're in bed together (I'm restraining this thought). All peace is restored.
  • Voldermort is invincible. Harry loses. And is resigned to a fate worse than death... yes. He now works at McDonalds...
  • Harry starts losing in the fight against Voldermort. Superman and all his other superhero friends (like Spiderman etc.) come along and help him. They try and defeat Voldermort. Either:
    • They win. Easily.
    • They win. With heavy losses. New York and Gotham City are not the same again.
    • They lose. Despite being outnumbered 5000 - 1, Voldermort still wins. Bookies (like William Hill) drop their jaws.
    • They talk it out like civilised superhero and wizards. They declare that Voldermort be banished to another dimension and never to be seen again. Until... the 9 planets align and someone off pure magical blood aligns the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar (situated on Mt. Doom) then activate the non-existent medallion at the moment of total eclipse when the Sun explodes. ...Voldermort has never been good at negotiation.

Those are just some of my predictions. It could have gone on much much longer. But I'd save you the read.

Got any predictions? Post them in the comments.

Gotta say. That was more fun than I thought it would be. Which is to say, average fun.


Ok, the story.

I was going to wait until Gavin posts. But while I'm here...

I recall ending the last bit with: 'But not slept well that night.' I have no idea why.

In the middle of the night. When the moon was still high in the sky. Nothing stirred in the inn where our heroes slept. Except... for one person.

Jill.

She awoke and put on a hooded cloak. She travelled down the rickety stairs. As light-footed as possible. Some drunks were still messing about downstairs in the bar, but they failed to notice her.

She continued out of the inn and out of the town. She reached the woods to the east of the bustling town of Crealud.

Still she continued in. Further and further in. Until she reached a clearing. A lone man sat on the rock in the middle. Gazing up at the stars.

Jill proceeds to the side of him.

'You got here then.' The man speaks. His face is obscured by shadow. His voice deep and withered.

'Yes.' Jill says. Her voice is comparable to a little mouse when in the presence of that man.

'Good good. What do you have to tell me?'

Jill tells the stranger of all the happenings of the day. The man nods emphatically. Hearing and understanding every word. Never did he interrupt her. He finally spoke when he finished.

'Well done. So it seems we have not much time. You know what to do.' Jill nodded and returned back through the dense jungle.

She looked back a few times. The first three times she still saw him. Perched high atop the rock. Like a throne. She thought.

But when she looked back the last and final time. He was gone. Her heart ached, but she showed no sign on her face. She carried on through the forest. Back west. Towards the town.

She travelled into the main gate. Which was unguarded. Through the cramped alleys and darkened streets. Until she reached the inn. She walked cautiously in. The drunks were asleep. One was asleep on the piano. Groaning about some music.

She made her way back up the rickety stairs and into her room. She took of the cloak and undressed to sleep. She fell asleep almost instantly. She didn't say a word while doing this.

Unknown to her. And possibly the man. But we are not sure. She was being watched the whole time. From getting out of bed to talking to the man to coming back.

Watched by who? You'll have to wait to find out...

Cliffhanger. Ooohh. I took a slightly different approach today. Just to see how it goes.

5 comments:

2HB said...

dumbledore dies in the 6th book!
you and gavin told me yourselves!

but still, it would've been funny if Voldemort actually died of a peanut allergy.

WJUK said...

RE DUMBLEDORE: I know he dies in the sixth book!

He could have pretended to die. Catch where I'm going?

REGARDING VOLDERMORT: Lol, yes it would. After killing Harry Potter, taking over the world (and space) and doing a bunch of evil, mean things. He dies from eating a peanut butter sandwich.

Anonymous said...

Who decides which books get press (Harry Potter) and which get censored? After all, censorship is becoming America's favorite past-time. The US gov't (and their corporate friends), already detain protesters, ban books like "America Deceived" from Amazon and Wikipedia, shut down Imus and fire 21-year tenured, BYU physics professor Steven Jones because he proved explosives, thermite in particular, took down the WTC buildings. Free Speech forever (especially for books).
Last link (before Google Books caves to pressure and drops the title):
America Deceived (Book)

Anonymous said...

Who decides which books get press (Harry Potter) and which get censored? After all, censorship is becoming America's favorite past-time. The US gov't (and their corporate friends), already detain protesters, ban books like "America Deceived" from Amazon and Wikipedia, shut down Imus and fire 21-year tenured, BYU physics professor Steven Jones because he proved explosives, thermite in particular, took down the WTC buildings. Free Speech forever (especially for books).
Last link (before Google Books caves to pressure and drops the title):
America Deceived (Book)

WJUK said...

I get what you're saying.

But...

you didn't have to post twice.


And, I don't live in America. :P

So, I'm fine.

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